He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
zippers are such a cool invention
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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