His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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