hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
