thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
