at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
