Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize