I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
