I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
