I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
