New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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