so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
