If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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