I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
