She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
