I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
