Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize