Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
