Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
