i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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