i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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