Having a random hookup so left but love u
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
