I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize