And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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