you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
