Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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