It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
