oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
