tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
