I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
