He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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