Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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