I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
