we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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