There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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