Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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