so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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