nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
