Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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