after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
