Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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