my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
