I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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