I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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