am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
