is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito