I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.