I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.