google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.