you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
