Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.