I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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