Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
