butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
