he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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