I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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