She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
