My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
