1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
