smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
