JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
well you can't waste a boner
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
