It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
