u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
