Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize