My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
