He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
