WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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