sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
