If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
