Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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