i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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