but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize