Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
