the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
