A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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