so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.