oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.