And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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