The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.