my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube