he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
