OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
