Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
