I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
last night I used snow as a chaser
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
