How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
