I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
