I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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