I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
