you traded sex for a burrito?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
