I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
