So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
