I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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