Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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